theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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