You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
