cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
