this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
