i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
