I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
