then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
