You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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