i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
