I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
