He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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