I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
