i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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