How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
