So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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