The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I did not marry a roomba.
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