Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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