I'm so fucking centered right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
