All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
