ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
