there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
