i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
