WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
