I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
