Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
