i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
