There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
