my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As shirtless as possible
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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