I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
