when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Every concussion has its silver lining
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
These tits shall not be calmed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
