found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
