i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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