So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
