margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
