I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
