i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The cops high fived after they tackled you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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