Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
not ubering you a puppy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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