omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
