I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
