Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
