Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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