I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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