If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
