Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
