Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so let's talk penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
