so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
