But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
