Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
