I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
