drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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