Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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